There Was No Answer
by Azurite Storm
Summary: She does not deserve this, dying beside me. In the cold, dark desolation, all I have left are regrets. Ah Lydia, how did it come to this?


There was a terrible silence in the wake of the collapse. The cavern's methodical drip of water suddenly shifting into a roar as choking dust spewed into the air and clogged my lungs. I coughed reflexively, sending stabs of pain through my body as the action jostled a number of broken ribs. It wasn't my immediate concern, however.

I pushed myself up, swearing as pain flared anew. In a fit of ragged breaths, I yielded to the urge to lean against the monolith of rocks behind me. As I tried to pull myself into a more comfortable position, a new agony lightninged through my flesh, white-hot, and triggering a primal instinct of self preservation. I froze immediately, holding myself with an absolute stillness that surprised even myself. A paltry ray of light meandered down from the cracked ceiling and offered a pittance of light for my grit-plagued eyes.

The image of my own leg, crushed beneath a boulder, came to me. I stared at it numbly, hoping the image would change and vanish like a cruel joke. When the inky puddle beneath the rock continued expanding slowly, my false calm deteriorated into horror, then panic.

I would have tried to scramble away, but the fear of pain kept me rooted in place, for which I was grateful, if not particularly proud. My jaw clenched against the welling nausea. I shut my eyes quickly and forced myself to think of something else, anything else. All that came to me was the terrible thundering cascade of rocks again and a hand shoving me hard in the back, propelling me forward.

Oh dearest Divines.

"Lydia?" I called weakly, coughing again.

There was no answer. But then again, I could barely hear myself.

I blinked against the grit in my eyes and looked around again.

A slight, opalescent hue stood out against the dark, drawing my eye. Atop a small boulder in the rock wall behind me was a hand, the pale fingers shining like a beacon. My breath caught as I shuddered in relief and scrambled to reach her, all at once forgetting the pain in my flesh. It didn't matter. I had to reach her. My body burned as I stretched as far as I was able, and finally took her hand in my own. In the darkness, I nearly wept, but whether it was in relief or despair that she was here, I wasn't sure.

"Lydia!" I called insistently. "Lyd!"

Again, no answer, but her fingers twitched in my grasp. I assured myself it was a good sign and struggled to see around the towering rocks, but my pinned leg afforded me no further movement.

"Everything's going to be fine!" I assured her, despite the fact that the world was spinning. One hand became two, became three. All fading in and out as they wheeled.

I had to think… I had to focus… But gods, I felt so tired. I let myself lean against the rocks again, closing my eyes for what I told myself was just a brief moment. Never once did I let go of her hand.

In the silence, condemnations flowed through my mind. This was my fault. I had brought us here. And for what? Gods, I didn't even know. Treasure? I had more gold than I would ever need. Adventure then? Clearly I'd gotten that, and Divines damn me for it. My body slumped weakly as the knowledge pulled me down.

"I'm sorry, Lyd," I whispered softly.

She did not deserve this. Lydia, a strong and capable warrior, did not deserve to be trapped down in a dark cave like a skeever for my own selfishness. From the moment I'd met her, she had proven a loyal, trustworthy companion, and then... a stalwart friend. Oh the foes we had defeated together! And amid those endless battles was her ever-ready shield to shelter me, her sword to forge a line no enemy could cross. I couldn't even begin to count the number of times she'd saved my life.

When was the last time I'd actually thanked her?

It was strange to think of how my life had been without her. Silent solitude was all I had ever known, but with her… The world was different, a suddenly wondrous thing that I could stop and appreciate because she was there. Because I could share it. How had I endured all those years alone? The thought made me shudder.

She was a pillar of strength. _My_ pillar of strength. After days and nights of feeling like a stranger in a strange land, _she_ gave me a shelter that no house could ever provide. In a way, I think I had grown to love her. Not romantically, no, it was something a little different. It transcended friendship and forged something far stronger. An unshakable bond. An irreplaceable presence. I could not imagine a life without her by my side, nor a trial that we would not, could not overcome together, side by side.

I… had told her that… hadn't I?

But I knew the answer. The words had always seemed so out of place in the mundane day to day, the timing always wrong. They'd never left my lips. I always thought I'd tell her tomorrow.

And now…

I held her fingers tighter.

"Lydia?" I ventured.

There was no answer.

But in the spinning, dusty darkness of the cavern, I didn't expected one.

I closed my eyes as a grim cold took hold of me despite the warm pool of liquid seeping from beneath the mass of boulders. The clamor of thoughts subsided in a tide of numbing sorrow. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

Given the chance… I would have said so much, done so much, before…

A single sob escaped me in the light of a cold truth. I had never understood it until now.

Days weren't granted.

They were gifted.

A/N: Don't take the people you love for granted. Life changes faster than you could ever believe. It only takes a moment. If you woke up tomorrow without them, what would you do? How would you survive? How would you go on? If you walk away with nothing else, walk away with that.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, mostly because I've been debating for a while on whether or not to actually post it. It just doesn't feel up to my standards. But that's probably because I hate first person pov stories. With a passion.


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